Wakey, Wakey Oscar Losers: A $45K Gift Bag Is Waiting Just For You!
Starting this morning, a swift operation will move into place in Los Angeles. Troops will be mobilized. Strict orders will be given. Top-secret addresses accessed. Valuables will be guarded. The entire plan will take two days to complete. Operation Consolation will begin.
The goal: tending to the immediate needs of the downtrodden, the depressed¦ Ok, well, -ish. Those downtrodden would be the losers of last night’s 85th Academy Awards. And the special ops team for this mission is Distinctive Assets, the L.A.-based marketing firm that specializes in award-season gifting. They will be delivering the Everyone Wins at the Oscars Nominee Gift Bag, with gifts and services valued at $45,000+, and billed as The swag that will console Hollywoods most glamorous losers.
And those losers would include the likes of Jessica Chastain, Tommy Lee Jones, Naomi Watts, Sally Field, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Steven Spielberg and more.
“Even Hollywoods most acclaimed stars are disappointed over this particular loss,” said company founder Lash Fary. “And when our consolation gift shows up the next day we like to think it is a welcome distraction.
Indeed, it’s not only a treat for the losers but a more lighthearted operation to be conducted in a city that has recently seen a manhunt for an ex-cop on a killing spree.
While it may not be a life or death mission, it’s still critical business for the aptly named Fary, whose 15-year-old firm has been delivering consolation swag for the past 11 years. But, dont go getting your hankies out just yet. You wont be crying for these losers when you hear what theyre getting! On second thought, go ahead and grab the Kleenex for yourself when you realize what you wont be getting:
A stay at either Lizard Island or El Questro Homestead luxury resort in Australia (We could so use this, mate!); a one-week stay at the Live in Fitness weight loss resort (Stunning locations, but could be tricky for high-profile sorts to attend since it embraces its fat camp status.); 10 personal training sessions with Huntley Drive Fitness (Ah, private fat camp. Much easier on the publicists.); Five nights at the Koloa Landing Resort in Kauai (Who doesn’t love a good lei?); Heathrow by Invitation, an exclusive VIP service that will allow celebs to bypass the main terminal and regular frazzled folk in favor of a private check in lounge.
We did, however, go behind the scenes with Fary to get the scoop on, dare we say it, a Tinseltown tradition.
Fashion Trends Daily: What is your favorite gift in the bag this year?
Lash Fary: The Lizard Island resort stay in Australia. And the delicious macaroons from Macaron Magnifique. I have a sweet tooth!
FTD: What’s the oddest gift you have ever had in the bags?
LF: Not sure if its odd so much as unique or unexpected, but we have Naked Condoms in this years bag. After all, everyone needs them and no one wants to be seen buying them.
FTD: Do you ever get calls from the agents/publicists etc of nominees asking if they could have an extra bag?
LF: No. Though companies often get a direct response from talent to redeem gift certificates and offers for additional product.
FTD: Do the brands pay to get placed in the bags? How much?
LF: The price starts at $4,000. Each company included in the nominee bags pays a placement fee, for our efforts in assembling and publicizing the gift bag. There are higher sponsor levels for presenting and featured sponsorships and also discounts for multi-show commitments.
FTD: What did a nominee gift bag look like in the first few years that you started compared to now?
LF: The value has certainly grown over the years and we get so much media attention that helps us build interest. We are already getting calls from clients to be in next years gift bag!
Ahh, swag never sleeps in this town!
Total amount of gifts & services in bag: $45,000+
Number of nominees who receive bag: 20
Number of other people who get the bag: 1, The host
Number of years gifting the bag: 11, including this year
Days it takes to get all the bags delivered: 2
Time delivery starts on Monday morning: EARLY PST!
Priciest gift In bag this year: $12,000 Australian luxury vacay
Starting price to be included in the bag: $4,000 and up